Surgery Bound AGAIN!

So it’s been another tough and unpredictable 14 days in the world or infertility!


I had my Hysteroscopy on Friday the 20th of October and upon waking up in recovery the professor who did the procedure told me that he had found a uterine septum that will need to be removed, but before it could be removed I had to have an MRI to confirm his diagnosis as well as the width and length of the Septum. The first question I asked (in my not so clear after general anaesthetic brain)   was, why wasn’t this diagnosed in my Hysteroscopy that I had 8 months ago or on any of the ultrasounds that I’ve had. He advised me that they can be very hard to diagnose and he thinks mine would of been even harder as it seems to not come to a point! Lucky me, being in that small percentage group once again!!  I was angry, annoyed and upset, all the normal emotions you have when you’ve had MORE bad news on this journey of bad news and heartbreak.  So after an hour of my Hysteroscopy I was up and in the car to the hospital to have an MRI.

Over the weekend I was reflecting, Google’ing (just for research purposes of course!) and trying to work out all the questions I was going to ask him at my next appointment! Google told me that if an embryo attaches to a Septum it is likely not to implant or it will lead to early miscarriage as there isn’t enough blood flow in a septum for the foetus to survive. It also said that they are easily removed and there is a very low percentage of risks. This is where often being in the low percentage group starts to worry me!! However, keeping a logical and non emotional head and after reading all of this made me feel a little more relaxed and I was able to put it aside in my mind and not dwell on what I couldn’t control.

Follow up appointment with the Professor!

So here’s where my case once again gets takes another turn to become interesting or ‘complex’ as my fertility specialist and this new Professor call it, or ‘friggin frustrating’ as I would call it!

The MRI results summarised that there was no developmental Septum, but I have a mild heart shaped uterus and that I have a uterine synechiae (adhesion or scar tissue).

But the professor disagrees!

He showed me a series of pictures that he took during my Hysteroscopy and showed me why he believes they are not correct. What they are calling a Synechiae should have redness, discolouration and almost look like it has dimples.

Mine is pretty much smooth across the whole thing. You could also clearly see the small tunnels leading at the Fallopian tube entrances. He also said they are seeing things from the outside and they come up with a diagnosis on what they see. He is one of Australia’s top fertility specialists and he said from his experience and knowledge he knows what he sees internally and he is 100% confident in his diagnosis! He has also said that he will do a laparoscopic procedure at the same time to ensure I don’t have a heart shaped uterus as well as have a really good look around to make sure there isn’t anything else untoward going on!

Left Fallopian tube
Left Fallopian Tube – you can see from the above pic, there is some shadowing at the entrance of the fallopian tube. This is a small tunnel about 1.5cms deep.
Right Fallopian tube
Right Fallopian Tube  – The air bubble is sitting at the entrance of the fallopian tube, this one is slightly shallower than on the left side, which means the Septum is deeper on the left side.

I asked if it will assist in helping me maintain a full term pregnancy, which he believes it will! He did say that there haven’t been any case studies on this broad uterine septum because they aren’t very common, so like everything in this wonderful world of fertility, he can’t give me any guarantees! He did say that he could think of two other patients that have presented with the same type of septum, both had them removed and both had a full term pregnancies on the their next cycle. So there’s hope!

The next step

So on day 38 (Wednesday November 1st) my AF decided to show up and I have now started taking the pill to reduce my lining. I have to have a bleed one week prior to my surgery to have the septum removed, so I will be on the pill until November 13 and my surgery is booked for November 21. The best outcome from the surgery, is the successful resection of the septum with no complications. A few possibilities, he finds I have a hear shaped uterus and won’t be able to resect the septum, or will only be able to remove a portion of it, or he goes in and the lining is too thick or he has a bad view and he won’t be able to remove the septum.

How am I?

I’ve been trying to work out the positives in this whole situation, because I believe that’s the only thing I can and I’m not one to focus on the negative. So here are my positives!

Now that Im going to be able to do a FET this side of the new year, I’m trying to put all my focus on trying to loose some of this IVF weight I’ve put on. So far I’ve lost 3kgs and I’ve got 6kgs to go! Another positive things is this means there ‘could’ be hope still and my journey isn’t over yet. The other positive that I found out about at the beginning of the week, I now have three embryos in the freezer!! I had one that was biopsied and it came back from the genetic testing as inconclusive, so it was thawed and re biopsied and the result is it is genetically viable for transfer!




So where to start?

I keep thinking, keep it short and sweet, but then I think of everything that happened in the past almost two years and think, how can I keep it short and sweet when so much has happened. So please read as much or as little as you want!

At the age of 15 the only thing I really knew was that I wanted to be a mum. My eldest sister had just had her first baby and as soon as I met him I knew.  Fast forward to age 30. Putting my career first as so many of us do, traveling the world with my job, living state to state and internationally and never really in one spot long enough to set down solid roots. I found myself longing for a child, thinking that by now I would of fallen in love, have a wonderful partner by my side (maybe get married or maybe not!) and starting to think about having little ones. Well, clearly that’s not how it panned out for me! Never really being able to find that guy that I wanted to settle down with, always starting over in a new place and going where my job took me made it really tricky to fall in love and start living that journey. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not blaming my job or my location, I could have always changed those things, but I’ve always believed in what will be will bad and thought it would all just fall into place. On my 30th birthday I had decided that if I wasn’t in a long term relationship by the time I was 33, I was going to have a baby on my own!

33 came, I wasn’t in a great job, money was tight, I’d started seeing a great guy, life was a bit all over the place and I just didn’t feel like it was the ‘right time’!

Well I’ve come to realise something, ITS NEVER THE RIGHT TIME’!

Anyway, back to the story! 34 passed, I was still with this guy, we were talking about the future, living together, kids, you name it. A few months before my 35th birthday I found out he’d been seeing someone else for the entire duration of our relationship and they were engaged! Ouch, slap in the face! Once I was over the initial hurt I tried to focus on me, what did I really want in my life, who did I really want in my life. Yep, the only thing that was still clear I wanted to be a mum!

By this time my 36th birthday was fast approaching (BTW, my birthday is late August) I remember sitting on my bed and writing a list, it was titled BABY, I listed all the pros and cons about having a child on my own. I tried to factor in financials, age, emotional, mental, physical and everything I could think of, the main question was, can I do this on my own?

Ok, for those wondering, no, I wasn’t going to find the hottest guy in the bar and sleep with him at the optimum time of my cycle! I was going to do this the right way, through donor sperm.

On my 36th birthday I decided I was going to do it, I was going to make the calls, get all the information and get the ball rolling, take my future in my own hands and run with it.

January 2016 – My IVF journey has officially started.

On January 9th 2016, after months of gathering my information, finding the best fertility clinic in my state (the one with the best results, highest successful pregnancy rate, in house laboratories and surgical) and answering all the questions on my list, I made that first call that started me on my IVF journey. I got my initial appointment for the middle of February, I was nervous, excited and anxious all at the same time.
While I was waiting for my initial appointment to arrive I started telling my closest handful of family and friends that I had actually started the process. I was lucky, the people who I had told were very supportive and most knew how much I wanted to have a family of my own, so it came as no surprise. In saying that I was very particular with who I told, because I knew there were people in my family and my friend circle who would be rather opinionated about the whole thing!

February 2016

At my initial appointment I was more nervous than anything, I’m still to this day not really sure what was said, but the one thing that I did hear was the fact that I had to ‘qualify’ to be able to go on the donor sperm program. Now I live in Australia and the laws when I started this process were not that accommodating to a single female and her want of having a child, but I had one thing in my favour, if you can call it that! When I was with my long term boyfriend we had tried to have a baby and after nearly 13 months of trying, we had no success. So I had a history of infertility witch meant I was able to access the assistance of a fertility clinic as well as donor sperm. Step one in my journey was ticked off!

Step two – Once you have qualified for the donor sperm program you have to attend mandatory counselling sessions. These sessions were actually quite helpful in giving me clarification that I had made the right decision as well as giving me a very positive outlook on the whole journey I was about to undertake. They also went through all the legal stuff that goes hand in had with accessing donor sperm. At the last of my 3 sessions, about 4 weeks after my initial appointment I was handed two envelopes, my donor profiles! During my counselling sessions I was told they had a new donor who recently came onboard and who they thought would be perfect for me. As she handed me the envelops and we walked out of the last session she said ‘go home, have a good read, let it all soak in, if you don’t like what you see, then we can look at a couple more’. It was that simple!!

Step three – Blood tests, screenings and ultrasounds. Through all the blood tests we found out that I didn’t have a normal 28 day cycle, nor did I ovulate every month, which explained a few things from my history. I was out on the pill (I hadn’t been on it in over a year) to try and regulate my cycles before starting my first round.

Step four – After going through the options of Intrauterine insemination (IUI) or jumping straight into In Vitro Fertilisation (IVF), my fertility specialist recommending an IUI cycle first. Yes it has a lower percentage of working, but it’s less invasive and cheaper. She recommended trying at least one round and if it didn’t work then we would go with an IVF cycle.

Step five – I had to decide on my donor. Now I’m not sure how many of you have looked at donor profiles, but some are quite detailed, others are cheesy and others leave a lot to de desired. I really liked the profile of the 1st donor (the one the donor team suggested), the second not so much, so I asked for the other two profiles. Again I wasn’t all that keen so I went with my gut feeling as chose donor number 1.

My Donor

He was a child of sperm donation him self, he was 22, creative, academic enjoyed keeping fit. He is blonde, blue eyes and his family medical history didn’t scare me too much! He also has a sister from the same donor that his parents used to conceive him. His reasoning for donating was also something that made me think he was a very caring person and wanted to make a difference in other people’s lives, two things that are very important to me. With my donor chosen, I paid for the sperm and my place on the donor program was complete.

April 2016

With steps one to five completed next was to decide when I was going to take the final leap and choose a month for my IUI.

What I haven’t told you is at the end of February I had met a lovely guy, we were spending lots of time together and we had decided we were going to see where things would lead (we started dating)! I hadn’t told him anything about the journey I had started because it was so personal and it was still very early in our relationship, plus I was also scared that it was send him running for the hills! However, I had decided to try an IUI round with my May cycle, so on April 11th I bit the bullet and told him. To my surprise he didn’t run a mile, he was a little surprised and asked a lot of questions, but he understood why I hadn’t said anything about it before now. Id been on the pill for 2 months and took my last one on April 21 (they wanted a clear month before my IUI round). My April cycle was due to start around the 22nd but it never showed. I had been quite sick with a nasty cold and the fertility clinic put it down to that, so we waited. On May 6th I still hadn’t started my cycle and went to the fertility clinic to have some bloods done so they could work out where I was in my cycle. Much to my surprise and the fertility clinics, I was pregnant! Wow, how the heck was I going to explain this to the new guy in my life? I was on the pill, I hadn’t missed a day, I took it at exactly the same time everyday, this couldn’t be possible. I was at the clinic and they had said they would do an ultrasound to confirm as I would of been around least 7 weeks along. After crying for a while I called my ‘boyfriend’ and asked him if he could meet me at the clinic. After a very hard conversation we went in to have an ultrasound. The test was confirmed, I was pregnant. I was so happy, but confused and so was my boyfriend. The sonographer took a few measurement and then tried to find a heartbeat, she was struggling. She said it wasn’t too unusual at this early stage but she wanted to do an internal ultrasound to get a better reading. She couldn’t find anything, she again said that it can be common at such an early stage so we booked in for another ultrasound 10 days later. I left feeling happy, but concerned, not just about me or the baby, but for the brand new relationship and the whirlwind that had just landed at both of our feet. After hours of discussion we both came to the conclusion that it wasn’t a bad thing, that we would support each other even if the relationship didn’t work. What’s meant to be will be, right?

10 days later at 8.5 weeks along we went in for our second ultrasound. Measurements were taken and the foetus was on the small side and the heartbeat again was hard to find. After another internal ultrasound she found the heartbeat, but it was very slow, things weren’t looking good and I was told to prepare for the worst. Two weeks later I had another ultrasound and there was still a slow heartbeat, I had a little fighter! Week 11 we had our last ultrasound with no heartbeat directed. I was heartbroken, inconsolable I just kept asking why, what had I done wrong?

I had a dilation and curettage (D&C) 4 days later…….

My pregnancy didn’t survive and either did my relationship…..

I put off the IUI cycle, I needed time to process and grieve, they also recommend two clear cycles after a D&C and I didn’t complain.

August 2016 – IUI Cycle

I wanted to look forward and not back, I wanted to refocus, so I decided my birthday present to myself was an IUI round! On August 2nd my cycle started and I booked on, I was ready, I was calm, I had clear head space, I had this!


Without going into all the details I had bloods, medications and ultrasounds and at the end of August I got my BFP, I was so happy, I’d done it, it was meant to be! I was so careful, didn’t lift anything, ate all the right things, rested, medications, luteal support gels, you name it I did it, I wasn’t going to let the same thing happen twice! Week 8 ultrasound was great, there was a strong heartbeat and everything measured on time, I was so relieved and looked forward to my 12 week ultrasound. Week 9.5 I lost baby number 2….

Again my heart broke, the same why why questions flooded back, I tried to console myself with the facts. 3 out of 5 pregnancies end in miscarriage. You’re 37, the percentages of miscarriage are higher. It’s all part of the process. I took a few weeks to once again process and grieve, then I pulled myself together and went in for a follow up appointment. More tests blood tests were ordered to see if we’d missed anything the first time. It turns out that the first pregnancy had triggered my thyroid and it was now not functioning properly, so I was put on thyroid medication! We had decided to go straight into the next cycle with a full stimulated cycle of IVF.

Thyroid Medication

November 2016 – First IVF Cycle

The nightly injections started! 125iu Puregon from day 1, day 8 I added Orgalutran to the injection list. All my scans were showing good sized follicles and on the last scan I had 14 at good size. Pregnal trigger was next and 36 hours later I was sitting in a waiting room ready for my egg collection surgery.

Puregon and Orgalutran Injections

Now let me set the picture.

You wait in a small room with chairs lining the walls, you’re dressed in sheer paper gown, paper hair hat and paper booties, you’re wrapped up in your dressing gown to keep some of your dignity knowing full well that as soon as you lay on the surgery table and put your legs in the stirrups that you loose it all! I’m sitting there by myself, remember I’m going at it alone. The other ladies (normally around 2 or 3) are sitting their with their partner, holding hands, some crying and hugging, others trying to make each other laugh to reduce the tension in the room. I stand out like a big white elephant, all there by myself! One lady asked where my hubby was, I kind of had a bit of a giggle and said ‘it’s just me’. I figured I was answering her question, without answering it. She looked at me with a perplexed look and then turned back to her partner. She then proceeded to whisper to her partner, not very quietly and ask him what he thought I meant by my answer!  Anyway, I digress.IMG_3164

The month had flown by and I was in a bit of disbelief that I was about to have 14 follicles extracted from my body in the hope that at least half of them fertilise successfully and become viable embryos to transfer! After I woke up from the anaesthetic I looked at my hand (my clinic write the number of eggs collected on your hand so you know as soon as you wake up) 16, I had 16 eggs collected! Two days later I had a call from the embryo lab, 8 had fertilised successfully and they were all looking good. Day four I had a call, only 7 were still viable, I was doing a fresh transfer so 6 went to the freezer. 5 days past ovulation I had a fresh embryo transferred. I went home walking on egg shells, paranoid at every move I made. I took 2 days off work to allow myself time to rest and to give the little embryo every chance to implant. 5 days after my transfer I didn’t feel great so I went to the clinic for some blood work, my levels had dropped so I was given some additional injections for luteal support. 10 days after my transfer i wasn’t feeling great, my boobs were sore, I had a sniffly nose, could I be pregnant again or was it just the side effects of all the Meds? I had more bloods taken that day and I got another BFP. This time I didn’t allow myself to get excited, I didn’t want the big fall if ‘IT’ happened again. My clinic kept a very close eye on me, I was in every second day having bloods to check my levels and when week 8 finally rolled around and my period hadn’t shown up, I was somewhat relieved and a little excited, would this be the Christmas gift I was hoping for? I had my first ultrasound at 8 weeks 3 days, there was a heartbeat but I was slow. Week 9 and 1 day, Christmas morning, I had lost baby number 3.

This time I didn’t ask myself all the why questions I had with baby 1 and 2, this time I just wanted answers, I wanted someone from my clinic to tell me why this kept happening, I wanted any and every test possible to work out what the heck was going on. After 2 months of blood tests (blood tests than you can poke a stick at), 2 biopsies, a Hysteroscopy and an MRI, they came up with the following answers. My uterus is normal, the cultures within my uterus are also all within normal levels, most of my bloods came back normal and all my genetic testing came back fine. However the blood results did show that my Antinuclear Antibodies and my Thyroid Antibodies were not at normal levels which meant I had to go onto low dose steroids and infant aspirin. Finally we had some possible answers that ‘could’ be the cause of my miscarriages but nothing in this process is ever 100%.

January 2017

I went into the next cycle with some hope that maybe we would get it right this time. We had also decided to try a extra process that has shown to help with implantation .An intralipid transfusion, a week before transfer and a week after. I was feeling good, the intralipids wasn’t as scary as I thought, I was in the flow of giving myself daily injections and the new medications weren’t having the horrible side effects I was told it could have, things were looking up. On the day of my transfer I got a call an hour before my appointment to say that my embryo hadn’t survived the thaw, but they had taken out a second and my transfer was now tomorrow. Ok, it happens, all the percentages started running through my mind again! The next day I was called an hour before my transfer to be told the second embryo hadn’t survived either and I was down to 4 embryos in the freezer, what would I like to do? I decided to thaw a third, I figured I’d done all the injections, taken the medication, my body was ready. They thawed the third embryo and late that night I had my transfer. once again monitored me closely, I was at the clinic every second day having bloods to make sure my levels stayed where they needed to be. This round I only needed the Crinone Gel (gross) for luteal support as my levels remained at good. By day 10 after transfer I knew I wasn’t pregnant, I didn’t feel the way I felt the first two times and my gut feeling was telling me I wasn’t. My gut was right.

I felt soooo ripped off, I didn’t even get to the I’m pregnant stage! It sounds stupid I know, but that’s how I felt.

February/March 2017

The next two rounds went much the same, one chemical pregnancy and another failed cycle. At this stage I was feeling really down about the whole process. 3 miscarriages, 2 failed cycles and a chemical pregnancy, what was wrong with me, why aren’t I able to do what my body was made for. Again all the percentages were going around and around in my head, my age, my egg quality. I really had no emotions after the last round, I didn’t cry, I didn’t get angry, nothing. I knew that wasn’t a healthy thing, I knew I needed a break. I needed to regroup, I needed to workout if I could go through this whole process again, mentally, emotionally and financially. My body was tired, it didn’t know itself, by this stage with all the hormones, medications and being unable to exercise as much as I normally would during cycles, I had put on 6 kgs, I just wasn’t feeling great about myself.

April/May 2017

I was starting to feel better within myself, my headspace was clearer, id dropped a few kilos, my bank balance had replenished a little and I knew I was ready to go through another cycle with my last frozen embryo. Then a road bump got thrown in the mix! I had been offered a great job with a great company. A job that will take up a lot of my time and energy! Was it right to take a job knowing that I was trying to have a baby, knowing that I might not be there for as long as I’d want to be? Was I doing the right thing for me, for the company? Was it the right timing? I quickly put those thoughts out of my head, I’d been trying for a year with no luck, why would I miss the opportunity to take a great job for something that is so unknown, something that may never happen. I started the job at the beginning of April and almost 4 weeks later I had the last embryo transferred. The new job was great and not too stressful as I was still in the learning the business and job phase. I was in a really good headspace and I was excited about the new job and the possibility of being pregnant. Unfortunately I had another chemical pregnancy and I was once again looking at another stimulated cycle.

June 2017

I went straight into a stimulated cycle, not wanting to waste any time, I was turning 38 in 8 weeks, the clock was definitely ticking and I didn’t want any more problems than I already had. I had an appointment with my fertility specialist before the stimulated cycle to talk things over, I really wanted to do genetic testing on the next lot of embryos, it’s very costly, but I wanted to know that the embryos that were going to be transferred were healthy, did they have the correct amount of chromosomes. I just couldn’t go through so many disappointments again, I needed to know they were going to have some sort of a chance. The June cycle went much the same as the first stimulated cycle, but my Puregon was upped to 150IU. My first scan showed 22 follicles in my right ovary and 11 in my left, we lowered the does of Puergon back to 125IU to make sure we didn’t over stimutlate. The second scan showed nearly all of the follicles were of mature size, so i went home and triggered with Ovidril that night. for the next 36 hours i was in absolute agony, I felt like my right ovary was going to explode. Walking was starting to hurt and getting up from my chair almost made me cry. Trying to hide all these symptoms at work and pretending I was my normal bubbly and chipper self was not an easy task! Luckily with the new job I could work from home so I’d been able to keep all of my previous appointments and treatments to myself and work them in and around my work days, but I was having surgery, I’d have to take the day off. Again I was lucky and my surgery fell on a Friday, I had a day owing to me, so I asked if I could take it a bit sooner than planned! My surgery went well, I woke up to the number 19 on my hand and I was soooo happy, 19 mature eggs, even if I have the worst luck with percentages this time, I’ll at least get 5 or 6 in the freezer, right? 16 of the 19 were inseminated successful, 15 fertilised successfully, but only 8 got to the biopsy for genetic testing stage and only 6 of those got to freezing stage. I also had one that wasn’t viable to biopsy, but was good to be frozen, so all up I had 6 biopsied that were going to be screened and 1 spare in the freezer!

I opted to screen the best 4 to start with. With everything in the IVF journey it’s a waiting game. I waited 10 days to get the results and they weren’t good. None of the first 4 embryos were viable for transfer they were all Aneuploid. So I got the last two tested and they were also Aneuploid. 5 of the embryos was missing a different chromosome and one had an extra chromosome. My only option at this stage was to transfer the spare embryo that hadn’t been biopsied.

July 2017

I was preparing myself for the transfer of my untested embryo, it had been discussed with my fertility specialist in great detail, to be totally honest, I was hesitant. All the others had something wrong with them so what would make this one any different. She assured me that there were very early tests that could be done to check for abnormalities and that we would have options depending on the outcome of those results. I was very nervous and still hesitant, but we pursued, a week later I was sitting at my desk at work trying to keep my mind occupied and not thinking about my transfer later that afternoon. Then came that familiar sight on my phone No Caller ID, I knew it was the clinic, I took a deep breath because I had a bad gut feeling. I was told that the embryo had thawed well over night, but that morning it wasn’t looking as good as it should be. I asked if they thought I should still go ahead with the transfer? The embryologist advised me that they have transferred worse looking embryos and they have resulted in healthy full term pregnancies. She also told me that they would check it again an hour before my transfer to see how it was progressing. I received another call an hour before my transfer to say it wasn’t looking any better, in fact it was looking worse. I was told to come in anyway so it could be discussed with my specialist. By the time I got there and we were all in the room, my specialist took one look at it and said she wouldn’t do the transfer, there was no way it would implant or survive. I burst into tears, so did my specialist and the embryologist. My specialist scooped me up and just hugged me. From 19 mature eggs I got nothing, I was inconsolable.

These people have been through one of the toughest journeys with me and they want to see me with a baby as much as I do, the emotions were raw, but I had some comfort in feeling like I wasn’t alone. I have had that feeling through the majority of this process, because I am alone. Yes I have a few friends and family members that know, but I don’t have that partner holding my hand at appointments, holding me when I’m devastated and can’t stop crying, doing my injections for me when I’ve had enough and just don’t want to do another one. I am alone, but in that moment I didn’t feel like it. After sometime my specialist said she wanted to work out what we were going to do next, there and then. She took me over to the donor team and we sat with the program coordinator and the counsellor. We discussed the past year, the last cycle and what to do next. They really have thrown the book at me when it comes to trying everything. Our one last option before having to go down the egg donor path was to change the donor. Maybe our genetic makeup when it’s put together just doesn’t match. I left the meeting with mixed emotions and two more envelopes!

August 2017

I was done, it had been such a tough couple of weeks trying to work out what I wanted to do. Financially I’ve spent the $90,000 that was supposed to be a deposit for a bigger house, I had nothing left. I was so angry at myself for not being able to do the one thing I was ‘born to do’ the one thing I truly want. Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be, maybe I’m just supposed to continue to babysit my nieces and nephews and my friends kids. It is all just too late for me, has my clock stopped. It wasn’t until my sister sat me down that I got some clarity. She said, ‘it’s only money, what’s the point in having it if you don’t have anyone to spend it on other than yourself or have someone to give it to when you’re gone’? She’s pretty black and white and very matter of fact, but she was right, my journey wasn’t over yet, I just need to be positive. So I’ve refinanced my current home loan drawn some money from it and I’m going to do one stimulated cycle!

Donor number 2

Time to decide on a new donor. This time I only read one of the two profiles given to me, my choice was made before I even reached the end of his profile. He is tall, dark hair, blue eyes, darker completion (from his European grandparents on his mums side) fit and healthy. He loves playing music, keeping active and reaching his career goals. He is smart, excelling at school and university and has his dream job. His reason for becoming a donor was a little different to the first. His sister and her husband couldn’t have kids and they had to use donor sperm, it was then that he learnt of the shortage of donors available and he wanted to help in some way (insert the awww’s, isn’t he sweet here)!!

August/September 2017

My birthday rolled around once again and I’m now 38! Instead of presents my family gave me money this year, my two besties also pitched in with a little bit knowing it will all go the stimulated cycle (I really am lucky in so many ways). 4 days after my birthday my cycle started and so did the injections, medication and blood tests! After my first scan I was feeling good, there were 16 good sized follicles, by the second scan there was 18 that were ripe for picking! Again I found myself in the waiting room before my surgery, 2 other couple sitting there waiting as well, they started asking the normal questions. How many cycles have you done? How many follies have you got? Where’s your husband? I sat there and listened more than I talked, they were all so excited (both first timers). I wanted to jump on my chair and tell them how hard this journey is and don’t make plans because it’s unlikely to happen the way you want it to. I wanted to tell them how lucky they were to have someone by their side through it all. I wanted to tell them how i haven’t been away in over a year, because my life is revolving around cycles. I wanted to tell them that even if i could go away, i couldn’t afford it, because every cent i have goes toward trying to have a baby! But Instead I smiled and told them to control the things they could and try to be positive about the things they can’t. i told them not to get frustrated with the waiting because there is a lot of it. One lady burst into tears and said it was the best advice anyone has given her since she’s started her journey. I went into my surgery feeling like I had given her a little piece of mind and I tried to take my own advice as I laid there about to fall asleep. I woke up to the number 13 on my hand, it’s an unlucky number for some, but for me it has always been a positive number (but that’s another story)! The next day I received a call to say 12 eggs were successfully fertilised by day five 6 were able to be biopsied and frozen. I again chose to screen 4, one came back inconclusive 1 was Aneuploid and to my amazement to were Euploid. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, I had two healthy and viable embryos with all the correct amount of chromosomes, I was so happy, my journey hadn’t ended. I opted to have the other two screened as well so I knew what I was working with. They were going to thaw the inconclusive one and re biopsy. Unfortunately the last two embryos were also Aneuploid, one had an extra chromosome and the other was missing one. But I have two and possibly another!

October 2017

Since the egg collection and embryo results I’ve been told by my fertility specialist that she has passed on my file to one of the leading professors in Australia to have a look over my case, to make sure she hasn’t missed anything. His response to her was, ‘by the looks it’s a very complex case, I will be in Adelaide for a conference at the end of October and if the timing works out, I would like to perform another Hysteroscopy to rule out any intrauterine issues as well as another internal biopsy’. Ive decided to go ahead with the procedure which means I have to hold off for my transfer, but I think it’s worth the wait. My specialist says if anyone is going to find anything it will be him.

And that brings us to this week, I’m on day 21 of my cycle and I have surgery booked with the professor on Friday. I’m keeping positive, because that’s all I can do, everything else is out of my control!